Topics for talk

[pattrose]

Topics for talk

Things I Wanted to Tell My Mother
Things I Wanted to Tell My Father

I was with both of my parents the last ten days of their lives. I was ready to tell them wonderful things. But instead, they talked to me. I just listened because I knew this would be the end of hearing their voices. I made some new memories. Besides they knew how much I loved them.

Comments

[kitarella_imagines]

I'm glad you had that experience, it sounds nice.

My dad died full of tubes in a hospital bed when I was 13. I can barely remember him, so there must be an ocean of things I could have told him. I don't even know what having a dad is like tbh. That's life I guess.

My mum was always angry and spiteful, I kept away from her. She is much nicer now she's got dementia and lives in a care home. But it's a 3 hour drive and she is much happier in a care home than she ever was with me.

So I don't really know what having nice parents is like, but I'm just glad me and my husband are far, far better parents to our daughter. She is far, far ahead of me in knowing herself, knowing what she wants, managing her life, than I was at her age.

Sorry to dump all this on you but you are a kind lady.

[pattrose]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about your dad. Your mum sounds a little like mine. I was so sad when my dad passed. I was with my mom because my brother needed help with her for the last few weeks. I loved her but she didn't love her eight children. She was very mean until the end. I didn't feel the loss like I did with my dad. That sounds terrible. But like you said we've become much better parents. That's what's important.

[kitarella_imagines]

Thank you.

My mum was nice when I was a child, even after my dad died, but when I hit 18 she stopped liking me. I think she saw me as a rival and flirted with my boyfriends. She was great at parties, fun times, holidays, but anything difficult like emotions, problems, depression, illness, she was not interested in helping. She was always, always angry about something, and always getting involved in crazy schemes to make money. I thought when I had a child, we'd both be mothers and have something in common. Nope. She was angry again, possibly jealous, spiteful to her very sick pregnant daughter. She has always been like an angry older sister. She did some nice things for me and my daughter but I never, ever knew who I'd meet- the nice mum or the nasty mum, or both at the same time.

She is much nicer now she has dementia, she's forgotten whatever made her so very angry. She is actually pleased to talk to me on the phone, calls me her lovely daughter, and likes me to visit. It's very spooky to have the nice mum I wish I'd had all these years.

Yes I swore I'd do the opposite of what my mum did. I've been consistent, loving, talked about emotions and problems, supported my daughter. And now she's a lovely woman.

[pattrose]

I'm so glad the dementia has softened her a bit. My mother had dementia at the ending six months. My grand-daughter went to see my mom and said, great-grandma is running and loving. It was good sam can remember that instead of what we remember. I hope you continue to enjoy your phone calls with her. Your heart will appreciate the difference. (((((hugs)))))

[kitarella_imagines]

Thanks, I think people view me as weird to be pleased that my mum is now nicer, but I know I'm not the only one. I know other people whose parents were horrible all their lives until they got dementia. One friend's mum forgot who she was and said 'you're a nice young woman aren't you, what's your name?' and liked her for the first time. The human brain is WEIRD!

I don't know how long my mum had a mental condition. She was always angry, forgetful, unpredictable since I was 18, she just got nastier and nastier as the years passed. So I didn't really notice when she fell into dementia as she had moved away from us just before covid, so I rarely saw her for many reasons. She sounded normal on the phone, she is very lucid verbally and able to talk about any subject, even now.

We're going to see mum soon, not sure if she will remember who we are as she was saying she has no sons but two daughters, but she only has one child- me. Well you read what I wrote on my journal page.

Thanks for listening and being so kind.