Thought I would share with my friends.

[pattrose]

This is long so I'm putting it under a cut.

It's been a rough month. Actually, it's been a rough six months, but this last one was the straw that broke the camels back. Our oldest daughter has lived with us for almost 9 years and she's decided to start on drugs at the ripe old age of 45. Who does that, right? Anyhow, her ten year old daughter, Sam has been left for us to raise. Not that we mind because she's a very good girl. She's in fourth grade and doing pretty well. Her mom did drugs while she was pregnant and Sam has learning disabilities. She barely reads at a second grade level. She has a tutor and we're working on it, but they have told me that she's just really behind. Math is another story. She loves it and excels in it. Which works out well because I suck at math and would not be able to help her with homework. LOL Anyhow, for the last two weeks, we've been a family of three, instead of four. I called the school and a therapist is seeing her three times a week. Her mom hasn't even called her to see how she's doing. I filled out all the paperwork for guardianship for her so she'll be on our insurance. Right now she is without. (Did I mention I want to scream and kick her mom's ass?) Her teacher called yesterday and said she believes that Sam is doing better with us than with her mom. So that made me feel somewhat better. I've left messages for her telling her to sign the paperwork for me so we don't have to go through a lawyer, but she won't call or text. She's so friggin' selfish. So now we are the parents of a ten year old. Rodney said he'll wait to retire for a while now. For the insurance, mostly. Sam is getting her room cleaned out and putting up new things this weekend. We're going to try and make her life as happy as possible, because God knows it's sucky right now. She's a wonderful child. Very helpful and hangs with us all the time. It helps that she knows no other life than with us. She asked me if she had to go to a group home for unwanted kids. I started crying. Why should a child have to worry about this? We assured her that she's not unwanted and she'll be with us until she finishes college. That seemed to make her feel better. This weekend we have big plans for Tom's wife's birthday party. :) She going to help me make Green Chile Stew and a homemade cake. I like them from scratch. So shoot me. LOL Even the frosting is going to be delicious. So each day gets a little easier and we're going with the flow quite nicely. She goes to church every week with a friend, so there is that too. And now we're looking into soccer. We'll see what happens with that. She's a great runner and already belongs to a running team once a week. It's like track, but they also focus on your self-esteem. I want her to feel good about herself. We're working it out and things will be fine for her. Now we just need to focus on getting her happy and keeping her that way. This is what she looks like now. I took this picture about a week ago. She's such a sweetie. :)

Comments

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Hey - hard going, my love. *hugs* But look at that gorgeous kid you've got there! She's going to be just fine with you, and one day her mum will sort herself out and say sorry... big hugs to you though - you should be having fun being a granny and corrupting your grand-babies, not taking all the responsibilities. But she's a lucky kid having you, because I know you won't give up or give in, and she needs that right now.

You are such a fabulous lady - I hope you never lose track of that ♥

[emerald-green37.livejournal.com]

You and Rodney are such wonderful people, she will bloom under your care. Absolutely get legal guardianship to protect her. You don't want her mom trying to cause problems later on, as horrible as it sounds.

[dimity-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh, Patt... Thank God you're there and you can take sweet Sam in. I can't imagine how frustrated you feel with your daughter - not only for being so daft as to do drugs, but to treat her daughter like that. :o(

*hugs Patt tightly*

[bluewolf458.livejournal.com]

At least she'd got you, and from what you say you'll be a better mother to her than her actual mother. It's not a big change for her - living with grandmother is familiar to her.

Okay, she might have one or two abandonment issues - I can say that with confidence thanks to my experience with being evacuated in 1939-40 - but because she's with you and Rodney she'll probably end up really happy and not really missing her mother.

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

You're a good woman, Patt, and the majority of people around you, and especially Sam, appreciate that a lot. :-)

[finlaure.livejournal.com]

HUGS and many prayers for all ya'll!!!

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Bless your heart, Patt. You and Rodney both. Sam is so incredibly lucky to have you both. She will never forget all that you've done, and will do for her. ♥

[grey853.livejournal.com]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

It's such a hard thing when you've got a kid with drug issues. They don't understand all the damage they do to their own kids.

I'm so glad you're able to take and raise Sam. She'll be a blessing to you both and you'll be a blessing to her. Don't feel like you're the only one. There are thousands of grandparents raising grandkids now. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

It's great that you've got the support of the school and you've got her in therapy. Kids don't understand why parents leave, they just know that they do. They worry that it's their fault. They're too young to understand it's not about them.

I hope you're able to get the papers sorted out for the guardianship soon.

[kaynyne.livejournal.com]

If it's any help, I work with kids who have learning difficulties and disabilities and have for 13 years. The hardest and most devastating part of the job is seeing how many of them feel worthless and unloved by families who just don't care because they are a burden and unwanted- your granddaughter doesn't have that, she has people who love her so much they're willing to fight for her, trust me, that's the biggest hurdle!
One of the things I always tell my students when they ask why they can't be 'normal' is that another definition of normal is 'mundane' and that means boring, who wants to be boring? They can reach their goal, they just may need the winding path through the countryside instead of taking the motorway (highway)to their destination in life and that's always more interesting anyway!
The support you and her granddad give her is the most important thing in her life and when she's old enough she'll realise that her mom is just being selfish because she's sick, not because she doesn't love her.
As a Pagan I can't tell you that God will reward you for this, can't speak for him :) But I can say that the universe balances all things and selfless acts are returned tenfold, even if the currency is just the love you receive.
You are one of the most positive people I know and your granddaughter is lucky to have you as a role model.

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

Patt, I am so sorry you have this situation landed on you - so much stress and hard work. And emotionally draining. But you are doing it wonderfully. You will be the most wonderful support for Sam who is such a sweet girl, and she will do you proud.
Go easy on yourselves.
XXX

[garettgal.livejournal.com]

I admire what you are doing and Sam is fortunate to have such caring grandparents who love and want her. She looks like a lovely little girl who will continue to flourish with the love and guidance of her grandparents.

At this stage of your lives you don't expect to be starting over raising children again and I can only imagine how heartbroken you must feel at your daughter's actions regarding her drug use and the abandonment of her child. I sincerely hope your daughter finds help to deal with her addiction.

The best of luck to you, your husband and Sam. You are good people who love each other and that's worth a lot when times are hard.

[tinnean.livejournal.com]

You and Rodney are wonderful grandparents, Patt, and Sam is growing into a lovely young lady. Let her know we're all proud of her. *hugs*

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

I haven't been on LJ very much but when I saw your latest postings I had a feeling something was up and so I read back to this post. I'm sorry your daughter made this choice but I'm so glad that Sam has you and Rodney. And she'll keep you young, you know. Also, probably very tired. I've enjoyed the stories you've posted about her since she was a tiny thing, I knew she was a great kid. Sounds like you and Rodney are taking very good care of her.

Laurie

[cbtreks.livejournal.com]

I'm behind and just seeing this. I'm so sorry you're going through this - and so glad Sam has you to love her and take care of her.